Domestic Bliss

Domestic bliss

Does not exist

No matter what they say.

The countless nights

I had to feel, the force

Of your fist against my jaw.

Broken ribcage

Five times

maybe more.

Green eyes, once shining

Have deaden.

My once attractive appearance

Has turned into bruises and marks

While scars are now imprinted

Upon my ivory skin.

Beauty,  now deformed.

Yet, I allow you to enter

As if, I begged for this all.

Sirens surrounding

Flashing blue lights

As I lay in a pool

Of my own blood.

Fading in and out

Of consciousness

I watch

as they take you

Away for sentencing.

How long can they

Keep you from me.

The moment you escape

The long arm of the law

You’ll return in a rage

To destroy me once more.

Once strong

I would hope to

Fight back and to prove

That I have a choice.

Not to be so abused.

But to stand up to you

With all of my might

And knock you right down

For justice

my right.

To be free from this

Domestic violence

No-one should endure.

What I need to face

Laid here on the floor

No honour or grace.

As the drag you away

The monster you are

The one who had just

Jumped on my head and

Smash in my face.

MM c 2015

Predator

Recurring dreams

Nightmarish escapism,

Haunted whispers

Resounding

Through these bones.

Blood rushing

Inside the pathways

Of my veins,

Heart pulsating

Heaving bosom

Louder, faster,

Yet so cold.

All consuming

Fear and dread,

Twisted laughter

Constant drooling.

I wait as

The door swings open,

Enter monster

Green eyed,

Wolf disguised

In lamb’s skin,

Beast who comes

To eat my flesh.

Only hope is to survive,

Before my nemesis

Comes to wake me,

Please don’t let him

Take me alive.

In capture!

In capture

so sudden

without knowing

no reason

only dreaming

so lonely

clinging onto all emotion

I need this

too badly

insanity

losing all control

devotion.

This power beholds me

my darkest hour

misunderstanding

so fucked

I try

haunting

I feel you all around me

come hither

you need me to want you.

Stop hiding

I draw you onto me

my warmth

divine comfort

If only

just stroke my hair

once again

to watch you

hear you

fascination.

So fresh

delightful

with beauty

I have dreamt of you

for so long

appear.

  • 2010 MedusaMoon

Bluest blue

Bluest blue

Distance grows

between us tonight

this love you promised

just don’t feel right

your mouth is so bitter

no longer tastes of honey

you may be laughing but

it just was not funny.

What a joker, who

spent all my money

you are so dangerous

should come with

a warning

was it late at night

or early morning?

I awoke

then realised

You were sporting

a mask

plastic disguise

time to leave

go into hiding

you were scheming

I was deciding

how this horror story ends

what is our fate

heaven know no rage

as love turned to hate.

MedusaMoon 2014

Free Spirit!


I’m a free spirit!
Not controlled by society, or any construction thereof
Nor are my feelings instituted by negative emotions, this is just grief
I will swing to my own rhythm, dance to my own songs.
I will walk alone, but with no sadness, because I’m not empty.
I’m made up of many things beyond your reach,
I’m one.
I’m a soul, not a subject,
I will not be treated as such.
I should be allowed to speak before I get shouted down.
I’m not a child, although I do childlike things.
I’m not a dreamer, but I have my fair amount of dreams
I’m not ideal, yet I have my share of idealistic contributions.
I have thoughts, some that I express, and some I wish to withhold,
I will not give admit to narcissism, but I am a narcissist, to a degree.
Am I allowed to dwell in self, if I am my own creation?
You may direct me, but do not own me,
You cannot control my destiny, only I have such power.
I have the power to decide on my life
This is my life, I own this life, it’s all I have, 
I believe in me.
You don’t believe in me, yet I believe in you,
You may love me, but I need to love myself,
No-one is allowed to enter into these parts which are mine.
By doing so you create an enemy within
I’m not my own enemy, nor am I yours.
I don’t fight against my will, or against you
I chose to live my life,
You cannot end it for me.
By trying to be what you cannot be, are you are trying to control
There are no rules here, made up to suit myself.
I’m myself.
I’m not selfish.
You bring out my self-centredness by provoking what is not yours
If you fight against me, I will win, will you cheat?
You can’t walk along the same road as me, it holds only my name,
I don’t walk along yours.
I’m the only one who understands me, I see me, I feel me, I exist.
Watch, but don’t come too close,
I will lie to you.
Don’t interfere with me, I’m the only one who has self-knowledge
The one who understands me.
I don’t ask anything of you
Leave me as you found me.
Give nothing,
Take nothing,
I’m only me.

PMT!

Welcome to

my private hell

I have these ovaries to sell

backwards

forward

inside out

can you hear me

scream

shout.

Self-hatred

self-loathing

every day

Who am I going to be today?

A devil

demon

cow

bitch

Turning into a hormonal witch.

Something creased

my life-cycle

just don’t ask me

how I feel

do you expect them

to understand

destroy yourself

no bigger plan!

It is not worth crying

far too late

I am not dying

just full of hate.

So welcome to

my private hell

you will never understand

oh well!

 

MedusaMoon 2014

 

I think I am

I think

Therefore I am.

Do I think

I am

who

I think I am.

Am I therefore

Who I am.

To be

Or not to be

What is to be

And not to be.

Is to be

What is not to be.

Can I not be

What I cannot be.

Silly little olde me

Trying to be

What I cannot be

Thinking I am

When I am not me.

Not wanting to think

Just trying to be!

 

 

Rainy day in October

Constant pain

No gain

Loneliness, raw

No more

Tears streaming down face

Disgrace

Another drug, pill

Had my fill

Body hurts, muscles ache

Shiver, shake

Screaming inside

Inside dark room, hide

Sadness infectious, everywhere

Seemingly unfair

Reasoning in my suffering

Where do I begin?

Suffer with regret

Not over quite yet

Needing to be fed

Or just stay in bed

Impossible to shout

Suddenly, consumed by doubt

Going crazy, completely mad

Tears fall, I’ve been had?

Misery, oh misery, a part of me

Please, leave me be

Sinking deep down, below

How much further can I go?

Shattered!

Shattered, torn, we go to war

I’m not standing here at all

Holding closer to the wall

Watch me stumble as I fall

Love to hate to hate to love you

All my daylight’s completely black

Times you’ve hurt me I’ve lost track

Beyond the point of turning back

Ripping pain, my deepest sorrow

Sleepless night, endless day

Don’t want to leave but cannot stay

Wishing my nightmare went away

Lay this love down, let it die

You and I so far apart

Tomorrow I will have to start

To mend my little broken heart

Right now I sit and mourn

Listening to the falling rain

Waiting on something once again

Wallowing in my bitter pain

Love’s greatest mystery

I once held you every night

All we did was argue, fight

About who’s wrong, who’s right

Leave me now I need to suffer

within my pain, I will grow strong

Knowing I’ve done nothing wrong

Trying to find where I belong

Goodbye now, goodbye forever

I just can’t stand it anymore

Nothing left worth fighting for

I see me walking out the door

Insanity!

You stand there with crying eyes and you cause another scene,

You told me that you love me but I know where you’ve been.

Why should I listen to all those hurtful things that you say?

If it were up to me, I would have you locked away.

You curse me and I’ll curse you but it all remains the same,

At least I know that this time, I will not receive the blame.

I’ve flown before, I’ve reached the stars and I’ve seen angels weep.

I gave you love, you gave up hope, nothing cuts this deep.

If I close my eyes I recall my life spent by your side,

But now I only wish I had somewhere safe to hide.

You’ll never change, you’ll still remain, the man without a heart,

But I will grow inside myself even though we’ll part.