New Years Gratitude…

As fragments of 2011
Fill my mind,
I recall the greater moments,
And those that weren’t so kind.
I’ve make mistakes,
Broken promises,
To others and myself,
But I am human,
So shall be forgive,
Surrounded by such wealth.
My family and friends,
Whom brighten up my days.
Fill my life with sweetest memories,
Fuzzy, warming haze.
To all those wondrous people,
Those friendships great and small.
For you, I hope that 2012,
Is filled with love, peace, hope,
And so much more.
Thank you for the belief in me.
The loving care you granted me.
For without those whom I hold dear,
An empty void my life shall be.

X…Marks The Spot!

Other girls

get diamond rings

furs

and so much more.

I recall the Old Bill

banging down our door.

Turkey, sprouts and gravy

pasted on the wall.

As your plate

flew pass my head

you stumbled

drunk

you’d fall.

Other girls have memories

of sweetest Xmas past.

All I have is wondering

how long your good will shall last.

New Year’s resolution

promises of change

so often heard.

Perhaps I should have common sense

or not believe a word.

Leaving is an option

but let’s face what is real.

I can’t remove you from

under my skin

No matter how I feel.

So merry Xmas baby

bring on all your rage

As this saga ends

I turn the final page.

New dawn

A creation

many elements of self

sometime vulnerable

at times alone

struggle to rise up

beyond self-pity

other moments strong

resilient, wise and fulfilled

the atoms that make up the soul

my lady

she encompasses me

her arms

my comfort

my home

no-one wants to be alone

Crisis

sitting at a crossroads

embark on pastures green or gold

no longer making sense

the voices in my head

I wish I knew which one I own

devastated by this loss

I rise from tombstone

it felt so cold

stuck

tell me where to go

wondering around

aimless haste

last breath

deep breath

this breath I hold

death anxiety reborn

I feel so alone!

The spell from beyond!

 

Angel of darkness

stole my heart

planted within

an evil seed

inside my head

haunting dreams

since our encounter

I bleed.

In a deep sleep

you presence

spirit

swept over my body

felt so cold

opening my eyes

no sign of you

my imagination.

My soul

I sold

son of Venus

call for me

your voice

haunts my dreams

return

ravish my very soul.

I lay me down

flowers in my hair

l lay me down

practice playing dead

our love exists

within my bed

wrap my body around you

love you all night.

Sun arises

you leave

if I cannot

see you

remove my sight.

Living dead

merely existing

sleeping

alone

awaiting you

till the end of my time

dream only of you

promise

to remain true

 

MedusaMoon 2014

Hunger

A hunger deep inside keeps burning

Trying to satisfy my need

To be heard, understood

Reach out, steal your heart

Ripe it out of your chest, it’s mine

A taste for life, one too many times

Now this appetite for destruction is all I own

Oblivion is so wonderful

Drifting out of my body onto a higher plane

That’s what motivates me, gets me out of bed

You asked me for truth, but what is truth

Dig a hole big enough and you’ll bury yourself alive

Too many questions are been created

The same answers resonate outwards

When I die, where will I go?

Will I go straight to hell?

I have no fear that remains

Age has created stability, security and self control

Denial, false sense of security

I see straight through you, transparent

I seek out your weakness, you do possess one

Shall I play, control you completely, for a laugh

I’m in a state of confusion, I wrote it all down

My weakness once found became my strength

Existing on another plateau since I saw the light

A flash of white light and my life appeared before me

Insightfulness from standing on that mountain top

No matter how I try, I struggle to feel alive.

For myself

Be strong

stand up

life not that difficult

dwelling in self-pity

allowing others to hurt you

making yourself a victim

being dependent

reliant on others

to ensure happiness

be responsible

possession of self-empowerment

fulfil your inner

deepest needs

love lies within

heal

become independent

hold sufficient self-worth

do not hand it over freely

thus losing yourself completely

control anger, hate

explore emotions

resolve past hurts

find inner peace

fearlessly stand alone

solitude need not be

abandonment

you feel as if you are

so damaged

thinking no-one will love you

understanding what is love

true meaning

receive

return love

hold dreams

you deserve more

just take it.

Life.

Take away my destiny

oh god

what have I done to me

so blind

I did not want to see

My life was not my own.

This pain

never goes away

I want you

to come out to play

I waited for you everyday

I sit here all alone.

Questions they come

answers they go

The right the wrong

will never know

I take yet

another blow

by now

I should be prone.

If only

I had someone to blame

I refuse

to play this game

I have no choice

what a shame

Just want to be alone.

I hold no sadness

carry no joy

I am neither a girl

nor a boy

one thing is for sure

I am not your fucking toy

not something that you own.

MedusaMoon 2014

Agelessness unknown

She daydreams

in multicolour

Delusions of a life she craved

A past forgotten

Only fragments

of her memory remain.

She stops to watch the children play.

In pantomime

being other than they are

masks and masquerade

she stands frozen.

She understands

the meaninglessness of life

staring starkly at her from afar.

No-one told her

life was going to be this way.

She stands frozen

pondering another time

A different existence.

Once she had beauty on her side

Once she had felt alive, yet

time has a cruel way

of creeping upon her

and stealing youth away.