Again!

I think

I’ll start again

I feel

this life is broken

enough of all this pain

existence

oh, so tough.

I want a clean slate

erasing all past memoirs

they haunt me anyway

so what is the fucking point?

Sailing through this life

all mystery and mayhem

rebelling against the order

the one that castrates me.

It is hard to be a man

so sentimental and fluffy

not allowed to be

soft

gentle or kind.

The others take the piss

they tense

they taut

they hurt me

all because I feel

I carry so much shame.

It’s hard to be a man

to fight for what I believe in

when all I want to do

is prove

I am not insane.

Sadness….so profound!

Deep inside

emptiness

parting

sweetest sorrow

speechless

I cannot say

what I truly feel

numbness

unreal

crumbing

my world

falling

I hurt

so much

I need

your touch

reasonless justification

meaningless rationalisation

wordless explanation

isolation

stop this unbearable pain

unintended bitterness

unresolved

feels like dying

angst ridden,

forbidden

forgiven

alone!

NO!

She was dying to be held

My God, she felt so lonely

Too embarrassed, to explain

The reasons for her pain.

Bruised and batted

Dress all torn

With echo’s of “If only”

Sorry state

For all to see.

She sat there all alone

“I told you so”, her mother’s voice

Running round inside her head.

Another victim, another saga

A disapproving frown.

She asked for it, now surely

Dressed, as if she were a whore

Chitter, chatter, so accusing

Voices bring her down.

How dare they say

It was her fault

Regardless of consequence.

Instead of blaming her

They should be on her defense.

“NO is NO”, and that’s a fact

Despite any circumstance.

If a female, can’t refuse a man

None of us, will stand a chance!

Childhood, unspoken!

No-one talks

about my painful past

dreadful things

happened in my life

those very things

haunt me

preventing me from

slumber

at night

the reason

I do not have a voice

silenced for so long

shut-up

in my hellish daze

locked into

your incestuous ways

prohibited from

uttering a word

reprimanded for

being absurd

no-one hears

the children’s cries

dismissed as fabrication

just a pack of lies

why can’t people

talk of pain

I did not stand a chance

frightful disclosure

ice-cold fearsome glance

whisper

if I dare to

inform you

of my memory

Please listen

do not judge

no

do not

turn away from me

rejection

so often my routine

I needed courage

to talk about this life

obscene

go away

do not question

what memories I hold

be quiet

no-one believes you

so often

been told.