To the man

who could not love me

I have one final

thing to say

hand on heart

I now forgive you

as I watch you

walk away

all those nights

spend wondering

what the hell

was wrong with me?

now I  fully understand

you were just too

blind to see

maybe the pedestal

I had you on

was way too high

for you were unable to see

the lonely tears

that I would cry

maybe I tried to hard

I just wanted to get it right

I justified my commitment

by my countless

sleepless nights

waiting by a toneless phone

keeping my diary free

pacing around this empty space

recalling how you would leave

once you had make love

to me

telling myself

that this was true love

measured by my pain

all those love songs

told me it was so

helped to counteract

my mountains

of my internalised shame

I wonder if I was first

or last

on your list

oh yes, please tell me

why you only called me

late at night

when you were pissed?

such a fool

my deluded projection

thought you were

the man who would offer me

his powerful protection

as those fairy tales spoke

how this fantasy love divine

all the energy we lost

was I just

your favourite waste of time?

thank you for the resilience

you kindly gave to me

for allowing me

to open my eyes

as I was too blind

to see

through your overinflated ego

the man

you claimed to be

when I could not face

this brutal narcissistic abuse

I found the courage to leave

the rage to recognise

this destruction dysfunction dynamic

I found the strength

to finally grieve

now when he calls me

every day

just to ensure that I am fine

when he spends hours just talking

so generous

with his time

the way he holds me in that space

the one you would not occupy

the gentle way he wipes my tears

when I feel I need to cry

he shows me how he loves me

in the most simplistic way

he tells me all the words

the ones you struggled to say

now I know the difference

you gave me something to compare

and it hurts

because I suddenly realise

that you just did not care

to the man

who did not love me

I have one final thing to say

if you do not truly love her

be a man

and walk away.


MedusaMoon C2016


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